A couple of weeks ago, I submitted my resignation! My last day will be in June, but I wanted to do it now so that I wouldn’t have to bite my tongue anymore. It’s all part of living authentically. For several months now, I have felt very confident that this is the right move to make. I have had less and less of those doubtful thoughts cropping up. As I sent the resignation email to my boss, my heart rate did quicken a little bit, but less out of fear and more out of the reality of making this concrete commitment to a significant change in my life.
So far, I have mostly only been talking about these ideas to people who I think will understand them. I wrote my resignation letter from my heart and it had a lot of statements about “following my heart and trusting where its leading.” When my boss received the letter she just kept saying to me, “But wait, I don’t understand, what are you going to do? Do you have a job? How will you live?” I felt her fears for a moment, but then I was able to release them, and recognize that they were her fears and not mine. I was then able to calmly explain to her that I didn’t know, but I was just going to go and see, that I am excited about seeing where life leads me.
Since that time, I have been further exploring this idea of trusting. I realize I will be telling more people about my decision to leave in the next weeks and months and will need to feel even more confident in trusting, so that other people’s fears do not affect me. The beautiful thing is that since that time, I have found the universe dropping more and more things in front of me to say, “Trust! You are taken care of. You will be fine. I’ve got you!”
For example, I’ve been taking several different sorts of mind/body classes recently as I want to learn about other mind/body techniques than yoga. I’m sort of “stocking up” on these under the assumption that I will not find any thing like this when I get to Angola. I had been thinking that when I spend time in the US before the final move to Angola, I should attend even more of these classes, and perhaps even buy some DVD’s so that I will have plenty of this stuff when I get to Angola. It suddenly hit me, that I was essentially hoarding, under the assumption that I will find nothing there. Hoarding is basically not trusting. I decided to release this fear and trust that either there will be other interesting techniques there (perhaps not taught in the familiar suburban class format I’m used to, but still surely mind/body techniques nonetheless) or I will find them within myself, or somehow, I will definitely be taken care of. This realization itself was very freeing. Then I spoke to my sister about these different techniques I have been learning about and she mentioned she has a DVD of one of them that she has never listened to. 🙂
Likewise, an email went out throughout the organization to announce my resignation. I wrote the email so it again said, “I’m following my heart…” but made it clear I don’t know what exactly I will be doing. I received several responses from co-workers mentioning that they were sad to see me go, but they all responded with reassuring, “Whatever you do, you’ll be awesome at it” sort of statements. No one dumped their fears on me. It was very beautiful and continues to reinforce the trust I am learning to feel.